Self spoken ; 

Love you.

Love yours.

We all make mistakes and we all have flaws, that’s what makes us perfectly imperfect because there is never another quite like us.

We must appreciate ourselves down to the bone and that means taking in all we are as people.

How do we expect others to love us if we’re not willing to love ourselves first?

How could we love another being without being in love with ourselves first?

We give to receive and we listen to be heard.

But what those don’t get is we were also born to not be understood.

Why? Because women were not born to be tacited.

Though we live to learn acceptance within ourselves  and even each other.

However the most beautiful thing is finding someone who genuinely accepts you for you. To find someone who doesn’t understand you completely, yet rather accept you anyways has got to be such endowment.

Because that means they really do take us as we are, as we were born: Naked, flawed, & misinterpreted.

Being flawed has made us into a alluring spawns, and we only ever blossom 💕

Don’t be afraid to come as you are.


M2M ∞

Do you ever find yourself wallowing in the pith of your past?

It’s like finding yourself so attached in the wave of the notion, only to realize that moments turn to memories.

Strangers commence ever so often, precisely to leave their mark in your world – even if it conveys leaving you desolated and despaired.

Everything seems to become a memory; a recollection of thoughts and instances shared.

Whether good or bad- you self indulge of the importance of that person, or whatever it may be that has a hold on you.

Unfortunately, time doesn’t stand still for anything & it absolutely revolves around time. Seconds tick away and when the bomb drops – there is no getting back what you once possessed.

And so it either leaves you with jubilance or despondency. When it comes down to it – providence has it’s way of bringing you exactly what you’re meant to go through. Hence why it’s also called fate, you’ll get where you need to be… given time.

See, all in all – everything is circulated around TIME.

Anyways, spiraling down from the high that one previously proffered, it’s indisputably  like coming off of a drug you struggle with- mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically.

You go through the emotions of disbelief, it still shocks you. You tell yourself it’s unreal and that it’ll go back to normal the next day.

You go through the confusion and anger of who is to blame – which brings the stages of guilt. That’s normal, because you question yourself on what more you could’ve done to possibly “keep using” without killing yourself of overdose.

It happens – hardships are apart of life, there is no escaping the tribulation your heart will assimilate.

Yes, moments turn to memories. With that being said, you’ll also discover that reminiscing is entirely standard. Thoughts of back then will speed through your brain faster than you can even catch up, it can be a lot to take in – that’s fershure!

The smallest things will cause flashbacks and you will get them randomly… Which can then rise your anxiety in an instant; Cus’ maybe you were doing quite exceptional without them – last thing you want to be is in a puddle of tears shopping at Walmart because you came across their favorite soccer team’s jersey.

It’s uncomfortable watching movies in knowing that you have encountered it with them. As simple as a movie, it’s the moments shared within’ that hr & thirty minutes that matter, okay? Remember, it’s the little things here. Perhaps that person knew every line word for word, so prior before the script was said- they repeated it which brought you a giggle and them a smile.

Say that one artist comes on pandora or you can’t bring yourself to listen to a song such as “Ocean Avenue” because there came a time where they sang it to you as it played, doing air guitar like a complete rockstar.

Perhaps their contagious laugh grew on you like a flower to the sun. Or conceivably, the sound of their voice brought such heaven, it matched their angelic eyes so impeccably. Maybe, it was the way words were spoken so softly – the phrases repeat in your head.

Don’t you see? Time has a way of guiding us back to the past, it has a way of sending us signs and the flashbacks are a complete illusion you wish were reality. Time gives you reality checks and before you know – it all flashes right before your eyes.

When moments turn to memories, you know that everything had a meaning in it’s role. That person played a significant part in your life; so much that you wish to hold on to them… And you do. But is it genuinely them – or the memories you two divided?

Either way: the dialogue is over and the script is done being written for their chapter. Though it seems like their chapter was longer than others due to the emotions precipitated & times shared, know that there is more to come in the next…

Moments turn to memories, yet when it’s over – those memories live on like fingerprints on your heart, they’ve touched your soul… And time will keep them there forever.

After all, there will always be a part of them inside you.



I can’t take it anymore, I say I hate you but truth is you still manipulate my thoughts. Trapped in my brain- it feels as though you’ll never drain out.

Fail to seize yet successfully found the reality you hid behind your contradicting fibs.

It was all an illusion and it quietly seems to play through. Despite the damage, I nevertheless see good in you.

Try to be stronger than my battles but when it comes to you, I’m extremely fragile.

When eyes adjoin, your face appears- Haunting my dreams of all broken fears.

You’ll never fathom just exactly what you meant & now I’m immovable with substantial regret.

It’s incredible how little contrition you feel, never showed sorrow for all humiliation revealed. Perspective so clear, actions are instantly sincere. You were not at all genuine, but more like a complexion.

A malicious monster, manipulative man; insecure alcoholic, an abusive diabolic. As powerful as a pair, you are like two in one, because you weren’t always that way yet majority of time you stayed calling me names.

Left with shameful doubt, I continue to struggle with self worth. How could one person make another feel like straight dirt?

I was doing well until’ you came along, allowed to be mistreated and disrespected more than beyond.

Maybe it is my fault, gave too many chances. You should’ve been kicked to the curb after you exerted disturbance.

Brooding in predicament, I thought you were my medicine but you turned out to be the poison disguised as innocent.

Not who I thought you were nor who you claimed to be- turned out to be my worst enemy. You’re worse than expected, that’s fershure- should’ve listened to my intuition, but I avoided as long as I could.

Ignored every person who warned me about you, but red flags wouldn’t stop until’ the bombs blew.

Situation being unavoidable, I despise detecting you out; Alcohol in me got one ready to take flight.

Frontin’ like I don’t give a fuck but honestly, you destroyed me.

Conniving and vindictive: Ways will never change- good luck with the next, you’re a dawg and you know I have proof of that…

You shattered to pieces, not only did you get caught up twice but you wanted my help with some girl- too bad you paid the price.

Now if you truly cared for “Alyssa”, you wouldn’t have sent that text. And if you see this, you’ll know exactly what I meant.

Came over at 2am, you fell asleep after- Learn to put a passcode on your phone and you wouldn’t have a disaster transpire.

Still got love for you but I have ZERO respect, so I’m laying some truth out for your friends to connect.

Karma will take care of you and God will judge you, so when you finally realize what was here, please don’t reappear.

Out of sight, out of mind- but you remain in my heart where you burned me so unkind.

Your world will spiral out of control, how does it feel now? To unravel a few of secrets you thought would stay weighed down.

Welcome 2017! Here are some reminders…

  1. Take risks, for you only have one life to live. Get out of your comfort zone! Whatever happens, happens. It’s a blessing either way, if you win, you win. If not, well we all have to take a loss sometimes, but atleast you’ll be wiser- right?
  2. Think positive, you cannot live with a negative mind. Nothing good will come from critical judgement. Train your mind to see the positive in all situations, miracles are everywhere. Positivity is key, you can do this!
  3. Live freely, screw what people think or have to say. Do what makes you happy! Be you, be free, live in the moment. You’ll feel on top of the world with less cares.
  4. Be kind, this goes for yourself and others. Give a compliment to a stranger, hold doors open for people, offer them a helping hand, it doesn’t cost to be kind. It just needs a caring heart.
  5. Help people, you don’t need a reason to. Just do it, because you might be the only person who does. It’s the little things that mean the most and frankly, it goes a long way. Make a difference and be the change you wish to see in the world.
  6. Spread love, wherever you go or may be- don’t let one come to you without feeling happier. Your vibes is what’s going to attract your surroundings, make it a good one. Give hugs to one another, be at peace with those around you.
  7. Smile more, simply because you’re living and life is a beautiful journey. Smile because your smile is contagious and the world thinks so too! Plus, you still have teeth… Haha! You better show them.☺
  8. Give your all, it’s all about passion. If it’s not there, then don’t do it. But when you’re older and looking back on your years, you’ll know that you did all you could and won’t have to worry about the “what ifs” because you’d already given your best. You will be so grateful with the strength you had and how far you came since then.

The Infliction


Do you ever feel like the weight of everybody else is on your shoulders?

Do you ever feel like you’re not going to be good enough no matter how hard you try?

Do you ever feel like nobody genuinely likes you & that people only talk to you because they feel bad for you?

It sucks and leaves you with the feeling of feeling beyond shitty.

Bad enough I tend to already worry, overthink and create absolutely ridiculous scenarios but damn- Either this anxiety thing is seriously kicking my ass or I am in all honesty losing my fucking mind. Maybe both?

We’re going to go with that so I don’t feel as bad nor straight loca for the emotions that have taken over my mind and sentiment state.

Though the constant need to feel like I need to apologize for feeling so deeply is past me, I won’t do it anymore. Just because it’s okay to feel and express yourself. So instead, I will clasp this time to self indulge in my own despondency, nobody else has to- right?

Fuck, nobody will even take the time to check in and ask if I am okay…

Even though one will most likely fib and use the typical, “I’m fine” dash, it’s still nice for somebody else to notice you haven’t been yourself lately. It’s courteous to ask how others are doing rather than shunning possible reality of their world to the side.

And that’s the point: I will always ask how someone is doing. I will always ask if somebody needs a helping hand or guide. Why is it that nobody can do that for me?

Wanna know another shitty emotion? Feeling alone… Now there’s a difference between alone and lonely. I am no way in hell lonely, however when you feel this alone and lost, it can get lonely walking the path alone with no hand to hold onto & nobody to talk to.

Did I just contradict myself? Eh, who cares? Life is contradicting itself so I pity those who live their life like Mary fucking sunshine, alright.

Because real life problems do exist and people are living proof of disorders and life issues arise every day. Like a flock of fucking seagulls, this shit just hits me suddenly. There is no denying that. And what’s even worse is that I can’t help but feel EVERTHING at once.

It’s either the concern of everything or utterly nothing. Why is it these two cannot differentiate? Do you readers notice the questions I have questioned? Oh, and there goes another. Because this is what happens in my mind. A 1000 questions zoom through faster than speedy gonzales.

For those of you who don’t know me too well and tell me how joyous I always am because I am always smiling, laughing or shimming (which is a stupid dance I do), think again.

This is documentation on what nights are living with these disorder is and know that, this is only the beginning and nothing compared to the horrendous thoughts that actually come across my brain.

I once read that all emotional pain lasts 12 minutes, anything longer than that is self-inflicted. Call me skeptical, but I didn’t ask for this.

Okay, I don’t ask to feel like shit on sleepless nights and overthink every little thing in my life. I don’t ask for the tears that creep down my pillow at 2am or the constant battle of thinking what is it that I am doing wrong.

I hate this feeling, and sometimes I just don’t want to feel altogether.

Because it is exhausting- To be tired of being tired, fucking sucks balls.

If I knew the answers, I wouldn’t ask for help.

To strangers and friends reading this: I’m here, always.

And for those who live the same way I do, it’s not a bad life- just a bad night.

You’re a warrior battling yourself. Don’t give up! It’s nights like this that make us lose our shit but stronger than before…

& Lastly, thank you to whoever took the time to read and check out my blog. Embrace yourself, walking the path to life isn’t easy, but it’s a beautiful struggle. ♥

Pain of the past


This is something I wrote 2 years ago when I was in a dark place…

Looking back on the pain of the past, it still haunts my mind.

Looking back on the pain of the past, who would’ve thought all this time?

It haunts me like a monster underneath my bed, but these monsters scream terrifying memories all in my head.

Making my heart feel so caved in, like I’m drowning in the ocean for all my sins.

At night is when my demons come out to play, testing my sanity of such a long way.

Surrounded by four walls, crying in the dark, it hasn’t gotten better with the time on the clock.

3am: Still drowning in my sorrows. It’s the pain of back then that feels like there’s no tomorrow.

Flashbacks of the abuse and destruction, only kill me inside. Wondering when I’ll be saved and stop sinking in the tide.

Looking back on the pain of the past, it still haunts my mind.

Looking back on the pain of the past, who would’ve thought all this time?

Will the pain of torture ever go away? I’m a piece of shit and I live it everyday.

Pain of the past, it survives in my brain. Like scars on my wrist, it’ll always remain…