Welcome 2017! Here are some reminders…

  1. Take risks, for you only have one life to live. Get out of your comfort zone! Whatever happens, happens. It’s a blessing either way, if you win, you win. If not, well we all have to take a loss sometimes, but atleast you’ll be wiser- right?
  2. Think positive, you cannot live with a negative mind. Nothing good will come from critical judgement. Train your mind to see the positive in all situations, miracles are everywhere. Positivity is key, you can do this!
  3. Live freely, screw what people think or have to say. Do what makes you happy! Be you, be free, live in the moment. You’ll feel on top of the world with less cares.
  4. Be kind, this goes for yourself and others. Give a compliment to a stranger, hold doors open for people, offer them a helping hand, it doesn’t cost to be kind. It just needs a caring heart.
  5. Help people, you don’t need a reason to. Just do it, because you might be the only person who does. It’s the little things that mean the most and frankly, it goes a long way. Make a difference and be the change you wish to see in the world.
  6. Spread love, wherever you go or may be- don’t let one come to you without feeling happier. Your vibes is what’s going to attract your surroundings, make it a good one. Give hugs to one another, be at peace with those around you.
  7. Smile more, simply because you’re living and life is a beautiful journey. Smile because your smile is contagious and the world thinks so too! Plus, you still have teeth… Haha! You better show them.☺
  8. Give your all, it’s all about passion. If it’s not there, then don’t do it. But when you’re older and looking back on your years, you’ll know that you did all you could and won’t have to worry about the “what ifs” because you’d already given your best. You will be so grateful with the strength you had and how far you came since then.
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The Infliction

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Do you ever feel like the weight of everybody else is on your shoulders?

Do you ever feel like you’re not going to be good enough no matter how hard you try?

Do you ever feel like nobody genuinely likes you & that people only talk to you because they feel bad for you?

It sucks and leaves you with the feeling of feeling beyond shitty.

Bad enough I tend to already worry, overthink and create absolutely ridiculous scenarios but damn- Either this anxiety thing is seriously kicking my ass or I am in all honesty losing my fucking mind. Maybe both?

We’re going to go with that so I don’t feel as bad nor straight loca for the emotions that have taken over my mind and sentiment state.

Though the constant need to feel like I need to apologize for feeling so deeply is past me, I won’t do it anymore. Just because it’s okay to feel and express yourself. So instead, I will clasp this time to self indulge in my own despondency, nobody else has to- right?

Fuck, nobody will even take the time to check in and ask if I am okay…

Even though one will most likely fib and use the typical, “I’m fine” dash, it’s still nice for somebody else to notice you haven’t been yourself lately. It’s courteous to ask how others are doing rather than shunning possible reality of their world to the side.

And that’s the point: I will always ask how someone is doing. I will always ask if somebody needs a helping hand or guide. Why is it that nobody can do that for me?

Wanna know another shitty emotion? Feeling alone… Now there’s a difference between alone and lonely. I am no way in hell lonely, however when you feel this alone and lost, it can get lonely walking the path alone with no hand to hold onto & nobody to talk to.

Did I just contradict myself? Eh, who cares? Life is contradicting itself so I pity those who live their life like Mary fucking sunshine, alright.

Because real life problems do exist and people are living proof of disorders and life issues arise every day. Like a flock of fucking seagulls, this shit just hits me suddenly. There is no denying that. And what’s even worse is that I can’t help but feel EVERTHING at once.

It’s either the concern of everything or utterly nothing. Why is it these two cannot differentiate? Do you readers notice the questions I have questioned? Oh, and there goes another. Because this is what happens in my mind. A 1000 questions zoom through faster than speedy gonzales.

For those of you who don’t know me too well and tell me how joyous I always am because I am always smiling, laughing or shimming (which is a stupid dance I do), think again.

This is documentation on what nights are living with these disorder is and know that, this is only the beginning and nothing compared to the horrendous thoughts that actually come across my brain.

I once read that all emotional pain lasts 12 minutes, anything longer than that is self-inflicted. Call me skeptical, but I didn’t ask for this.

Okay, I don’t ask to feel like shit on sleepless nights and overthink every little thing in my life. I don’t ask for the tears that creep down my pillow at 2am or the constant battle of thinking what is it that I am doing wrong.

I hate this feeling, and sometimes I just don’t want to feel altogether.

Because it is exhausting- To be tired of being tired, fucking sucks balls.

If I knew the answers, I wouldn’t ask for help.

To strangers and friends reading this: I’m here, always.

And for those who live the same way I do, it’s not a bad life- just a bad night.

You’re a warrior battling yourself. Don’t give up! It’s nights like this that make us lose our shit but stronger than before…

& Lastly, thank you to whoever took the time to read and check out my blog. Embrace yourself, walking the path to life isn’t easy, but it’s a beautiful struggle. ♥

Pain of the past

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This is something I wrote 2 years ago when I was in a dark place…

Looking back on the pain of the past, it still haunts my mind.

Looking back on the pain of the past, who would’ve thought all this time?

It haunts me like a monster underneath my bed, but these monsters scream terrifying memories all in my head.

Making my heart feel so caved in, like I’m drowning in the ocean for all my sins.

At night is when my demons come out to play, testing my sanity of such a long way.

Surrounded by four walls, crying in the dark, it hasn’t gotten better with the time on the clock.

3am: Still drowning in my sorrows. It’s the pain of back then that feels like there’s no tomorrow.

Flashbacks of the abuse and destruction, only kill me inside. Wondering when I’ll be saved and stop sinking in the tide.

Looking back on the pain of the past, it still haunts my mind.

Looking back on the pain of the past, who would’ve thought all this time?

Will the pain of torture ever go away? I’m a piece of shit and I live it everyday.

Pain of the past, it survives in my brain. Like scars on my wrist, it’ll always remain…