Relationship 101?

relationships_or_relationsinksThey are never easy and basically, it’s trial-and-error from the get go. A hit or miss, and if you’re like most it’ll probably be a miss.. Therefore, it’s a relation-SINK.

Relationships are never easy but it shouldn’t be hard to put in the work. It should be effortless, especially when both want it.

There are good times and there are bad, but what is a “healthy relationship” anyways?

A healthy relationship should be being able to communicate with one another, respect each other, boundaries, compromise – There will be a lot of compromises because love is sacrifice. Well, just as long as it’s rational! A healthy relationship should always be support; You should be building each other up, not tearing each other down.

Rule #1:

Don’t ever rely on someone for happiness, that’s not the real world. Accept yourself first and foremost. Love yourself. Take care of yourself before anyone. Remember you’re GOOD ENOUGH and you can do whatever your heart desires and you put your mind to. You don’t need to allow someone to control your happiness, your happiness should come from YOU, then you share it with them.

Rule #2:

Agreements? Disagreements? Don’t expect to always agree, in fact – it’s normal to disagree. We’re only human, and we won’t always see eye to eye. Just make sure there is that mutual respect. Respect decisions because it’s also respecting the differences in your partner.

Rule #3:

Communication is key! I always tell my boyfriend that I’m not sure what kind of relationship we have is you can’t talk to me about things. It’s super important to express and find common ground, to be able to understand the other and see perspective from their point of view.

Relationships are a learning experience. You two share it together and learn from those experiences. Take the good with that bad, accept it. Move on. Don’t hold grudges about the past shit, cus’ guarantee you – it’ll always come up later on in some argument.

Which brings me to the next,

Rule #4:

Forgiveness. That is a decision made to move on from the past. Things happen but why carry it with you? Cus’ who is it gonna hurt in the long run? It will only hurt you more than your partner and eventually destroy your relationship. Focus on what really matters in the present time. If you repeat the same shit over and over, you will both get sick and tired of it. If you learned from the past, those same mistakes and decisions shall not repeat.

Rule #5:

TRUTH. Be honest with yourself and your significant other. Don’t ever sit here and lie to protect the next or yourself, lies create such a disconnected. And we’re women honey, we find out EVERYTHING. And the truth will eventually come out. Don’t ever deny your feelings, nor’ hide from your partner. If this is going to work, it comes from both ends.

Rule #6:

Admit your faults and apologize. If you need to give your partner time and space, so be it. But you must return and explain. Whatever the situation may be, we deserve a fair chance to speak. Express yourself.

Rule #7.

Time. Quality time is critical. No matter how busy you two are, if someone wants to see you – they will make the time for you. Even the slightest bit can bring such excitement. After all, when two are together – you feel your connection.

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Unraveled pt 2.

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It’s safe to say that Karma catches up.

I’ve waited for this moment for almost a year and because she came after you, now you’re running scared.

Learn to take responsibility but you’ll never change. We’re women so of course we’re all “insane”.

You proved to be no different, you’re still manipulative and vindictive – do you still drink heavy on the weekends waiting to text it?

Girl after girl, you play these victims, but what happens next that you got one pregnant?

Run little boy, run. It’s what you’re good at.

But you can’t deny that Karma caught up, she always comes back.

Poetic Sadness

No one understands what it’s like – to feel lost and lonely inside.

You wake up  wishing the pain would just go away, but it stays trapped in your mind like a vigorous wave.

Scars on my skin and scars on my soul; Some scars are exterior and others are within, they all tell a story but most stay hidden.

If you knew what went through my mind, you’d think the devil was confined. These demons have tried escaping through paper and time.

The tears I’ve cried are angels from heaven, they know I’m suffering carrying this burden.

I ask that that they keep me safe and heal my broken heart, but time will tell if I’m worth it or not.

Though this girl couldn’t be sad anymore, for I became numb. Somehow that got worse and death to a fixated curse.

Painted smiles on a face, it was the perfect disguise. It’s like a master at the brush telling infinite lies.

You see the dimples show through and a laugh so contagious, but my wrists are now stained and my eyes cry insane.

Not strong enough to continue any longer, so God take my soul – for this was too much to handle.

So I’m sorry to say that the devil has won the battle…

Now the angels cry of sadness as my funeral’s at the chapel.

Welcome 2017! Here are some reminders…

  1. Take risks, for you only have one life to live. Get out of your comfort zone! Whatever happens, happens. It’s a blessing either way, if you win, you win. If not, well we all have to take a loss sometimes, but atleast you’ll be wiser- right?
  2. Think positive, you cannot live with a negative mind. Nothing good will come from critical judgement. Train your mind to see the positive in all situations, miracles are everywhere. Positivity is key, you can do this!
  3. Live freely, screw what people think or have to say. Do what makes you happy! Be you, be free, live in the moment. You’ll feel on top of the world with less cares.
  4. Be kind, this goes for yourself and others. Give a compliment to a stranger, hold doors open for people, offer them a helping hand, it doesn’t cost to be kind. It just needs a caring heart.
  5. Help people, you don’t need a reason to. Just do it, because you might be the only person who does. It’s the little things that mean the most and frankly, it goes a long way. Make a difference and be the change you wish to see in the world.
  6. Spread love, wherever you go or may be- don’t let one come to you without feeling happier. Your vibes is what’s going to attract your surroundings, make it a good one. Give hugs to one another, be at peace with those around you.
  7. Smile more, simply because you’re living and life is a beautiful journey. Smile because your smile is contagious and the world thinks so too! Plus, you still have teeth… Haha! You better show them.☺
  8. Give your all, it’s all about passion. If it’s not there, then don’t do it. But when you’re older and looking back on your years, you’ll know that you did all you could and won’t have to worry about the “what ifs” because you’d already given your best. You will be so grateful with the strength you had and how far you came since then.

The Infliction

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Do you ever feel like the weight of everybody else is on your shoulders?

Do you ever feel like you’re not going to be good enough no matter how hard you try?

Do you ever feel like nobody genuinely likes you & that people only talk to you because they feel bad for you?

It sucks and leaves you with the feeling of feeling beyond shitty.

Bad enough I tend to already worry, overthink and create absolutely ridiculous scenarios but damn- Either this anxiety thing is seriously kicking my ass or I am in all honesty losing my fucking mind. Maybe both?

We’re going to go with that so I don’t feel as bad nor straight loca for the emotions that have taken over my mind and sentiment state.

Though the constant need to feel like I need to apologize for feeling so deeply is past me, I won’t do it anymore. Just because it’s okay to feel and express yourself. So instead, I will clasp this time to self indulge in my own despondency, nobody else has to- right?

Fuck, nobody will even take the time to check in and ask if I am okay…

Even though one will most likely fib and use the typical, “I’m fine” dash, it’s still nice for somebody else to notice you haven’t been yourself lately. It’s courteous to ask how others are doing rather than shunning possible reality of their world to the side.

And that’s the point: I will always ask how someone is doing. I will always ask if somebody needs a helping hand or guide. Why is it that nobody can do that for me?

Wanna know another shitty emotion? Feeling alone… Now there’s a difference between alone and lonely. I am no way in hell lonely, however when you feel this alone and lost, it can get lonely walking the path alone with no hand to hold onto & nobody to talk to.

Did I just contradict myself? Eh, who cares? Life is contradicting itself so I pity those who live their life like Mary fucking sunshine, alright.

Because real life problems do exist and people are living proof of disorders and life issues arise every day. Like a flock of fucking seagulls, this shit just hits me suddenly. There is no denying that. And what’s even worse is that I can’t help but feel EVERTHING at once.

It’s either the concern of everything or utterly nothing. Why is it these two cannot differentiate? Do you readers notice the questions I have questioned? Oh, and there goes another. Because this is what happens in my mind. A 1000 questions zoom through faster than speedy gonzales.

For those of you who don’t know me too well and tell me how joyous I always am because I am always smiling, laughing or shimming (which is a stupid dance I do), think again.

This is documentation on what nights are living with these disorder is and know that, this is only the beginning and nothing compared to the horrendous thoughts that actually come across my brain.

I once read that all emotional pain lasts 12 minutes, anything longer than that is self-inflicted. Call me skeptical, but I didn’t ask for this.

Okay, I don’t ask to feel like shit on sleepless nights and overthink every little thing in my life. I don’t ask for the tears that creep down my pillow at 2am or the constant battle of thinking what is it that I am doing wrong.

I hate this feeling, and sometimes I just don’t want to feel altogether.

Because it is exhausting- To be tired of being tired, fucking sucks balls.

If I knew the answers, I wouldn’t ask for help.

To strangers and friends reading this: I’m here, always.

And for those who live the same way I do, it’s not a bad life- just a bad night.

You’re a warrior battling yourself. Don’t give up! It’s nights like this that make us lose our shit but stronger than before…

& Lastly, thank you to whoever took the time to read and check out my blog. Embrace yourself, walking the path to life isn’t easy, but it’s a beautiful struggle. ♥

Pain of the past

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This is something I wrote 2 years ago when I was in a dark place…

Looking back on the pain of the past, it still haunts my mind.

Looking back on the pain of the past, who would’ve thought all this time?

It haunts me like a monster underneath my bed, but these monsters scream terrifying memories all in my head.

Making my heart feel so caved in, like I’m drowning in the ocean for all my sins.

At night is when my demons come out to play, testing my sanity of such a long way.

Surrounded by four walls, crying in the dark, it hasn’t gotten better with the time on the clock.

3am: Still drowning in my sorrows. It’s the pain of back then that feels like there’s no tomorrow.

Flashbacks of the abuse and destruction, only kill me inside. Wondering when I’ll be saved and stop sinking in the tide.

Looking back on the pain of the past, it still haunts my mind.

Looking back on the pain of the past, who would’ve thought all this time?

Will the pain of torture ever go away? I’m a piece of shit and I live it everyday.

Pain of the past, it survives in my brain. Like scars on my wrist, it’ll always remain…